The Trouble With Exes

The trouble with exes

So I have thought about this particular post for a while and I did struggle to actually come up with a good read. I really hope it does actually come through because a few of us (ladies esp.) could really use this particular post. So exes… and when I say this I mean a lady or gent you once had a romantic past with and not the famous ‘unga ya chapati’ hehe. Anyway moving on to the serious stuff, the trouble with exes and before I break this down for you, there’s one statement that has stuck with me. I am kind enough to share it, “Your ex is your ex for a reason.”

Now we all get love stricken at some point or another and we mostly start justifying the reason for not having moved on. Interestingly enough, the statements/excuses/reasons always start with something like, “But I love him/her…” Now whatever the reason one thing we should really come to terms with is the fact that however painful the reason it was reason enough to result in a break up.

Honestly, that is the plain truth and even if the reason was something as novel as a scholarship to study abroad, life does indeed have to continue. A friend of mine once described the storms in a relationship and the pain that sometimes comes with them as being worse than school exams. There are no formulas to cram or a methodology to follow in order to get the perfect solution.

Now for the guys I can’t quite really say much because well other than them claiming to be simple creatures I don’t really get their thought process. All the same, I know everybody hurts sometimes (even legendary British rock band, R.E.M. had a song on the same). I have at least gotten to hear a few of their experiences and why lie break ups suck esp. if you are the one being dumped. 

Important disclaimer, I’m not saying all exes are bad for you but honestly there is always that one, your Achilles heel and you know he’s bad, so this is just a reminder on why you should not backslide.

So anyway here are my top reasons for why exes are bad for you:

1. You can rarely still be friends

So what do I mean by this? I simply mean after a break up one can rarely ‘still be friends’ without hurting. It is really needless to nurture such a friendship, more so if you are the one who wanted to stay on. Every time you are with him/her you will keep hurting and wanting more, which you might never get.

   2.       He let you down before, he is most likely to do it again

So maybe the ‘love of your life’ wasn’t there when you needed them most, forgot all the important dates in your relationship, cheated on you, was physically aggressive  etc. I could go on and on, I’m sure you get the picture. The sad truth is if you do go back to that relationship things will most probably recur. It will be the same script, same screen and sadly same storyline.

    3.  He won’t change

One of my favorite singers, John Legend, sang a song on changing his bad behavior for his girl. How romantic right? He had lyrics like “I’ll go to church if you want me to go, I’ll get baptized… all in a bid to convince her of his seriousness…. Pop! Allow me to burst your bubble; it doesn’t happen 9/10 times. Honestly, if he cheated, he will do it again, I mean what is to stop him this time around? He got away with it the last time; you came back, didn’t you? So as long as he knows he got you in the bag he will never lift a finger to give you the best.

4. He won’t give you positive critics

Let’s face it you ain’t perfect and nobody walking this earth’s surface is, and that’s why every once in a while we need some good dose of the ugly truth. Like if you complain and fuss too much about trivial matters. Someone who really loves you will point it out and help you work on it. But if it is with an ex who was the one on the wrong at the time of the break up he might shelter you from the truth. Be your yes man and it will be good for a while but one day you wake up and realize how far you have drifted from your ideal personality.

5. You can’t run to your friends when things go wrong

Girlfriends, we girls need them around for all kinds of reasons, they are our support system. So at times your relationship might be rocky and you want to talk to someone. The most likely candidate would be a girlfriend you trust. But once you leave your guy and your friends have expressed their disapproval, once you go back the next time ish hits the fan you can’t go running to them. You will feel silly and embarrassed and well no one likes to be told, I told you so. Thus you are alone and miserable. Sure that is not anyone’s fairytale ending.

    6.  He will always be that safety net that prevents you from getting the best

Fear, it’s the one thing that constantly holds us back from taking a leap of faith in a different direction. Now I’m not saying we shouldn’t look before we leap but most times we are afraid to go out there and meet new people. We are always justifying it with the timeless expression, better the devil you know… some of you I know can relate. But honestly, don’t always be so afraid to try something new otherwise you will never know better. So if you have had enough , you can decide to turn a new leaf, try other people and I’m certain you will find ‘the one’.

 

So I conclude this post by saying the past should be a lesson and not a way of life. Feel free to move on after a heart break after all when the door shuts a window of opportunity always opens up. Peace!