It's all about counting your blessings

Have you ever felt anguish so raw that there is a persistent lump in your throat?  You feel misery wash over you drop by drop. Sadness fills your every emotion, almost strangling every happy memory.
You are desperate to chase away the feeling. Try to sleep but can't get even a wink. Those you thought were closest to you, no where to sooth you.  Your head and heart feel like they are in a competition for who is heavier. Nausea just around the corner and you have to take a deep breath every so often.Your tears keep close, ready to honor your heart's command to appear.
Well if you have ever felt anything close to that, then you know it's hard to count your blessings at that point in time. I just read an article on sex trafficking of young girls in Mexico. I guess the kind of anguish I have described is what they go through after being kidnapped by drug gangs. Can you imagine a 10 year old girl being prostituted? Taken from her family, never to be seen again ?
I read this article and my heart ached and sank for them. I asked myself how can their president sleep at night knowing that such heinous acts happen. I wondered why the leader of the free world has not intervened. But then again if State of Affairs or Commander in Chief portray the white house, then maybe too much red tape is involved.
I am saying a prayer for those girls no different from the ones kidnapped by Boko Haram in Nigeria. Bring back our girls! !
Can you believe that in Mexico the penalty for stealing a cow is higher than that of stealing a girl?The crude, inhumane gangs steal these girls based on the fact that a bag of heroine can only be peddled once but the girls three or more times a day.
Sexual abuse of these under age girls is no big deal. The police are either indifferent or corrupt and do nothing to help their case. As it is the girls are hidden from plain sight and warned not to wear any make up. Some are even dressed like boys!
Here I am thinking, my biggest woes as a Kenyan undergraduate female student are so minute. I hope to secure a job in a management trainee program. I aspire to pass my college course work and generally to be happy in life.
I can only count my blessings that in my beautiful motherland, I am free. Free to roam the streets, free to enjoy the sunny outdoors, free to wear make up when I want to and free to be me. I have never really appreciated being a girl living in Kenya.
The plight of those Mexican girls really put things into perspective. How lucky I truly am that a night in jail is my biggest fear? In Mexico, women/girls would rather stay in prison. In fact they would willingly stab the wardens just to make sure they stay locked up. Why? You may ask. Prison apparently is where they feel safest and cared for. It is only behind bars and prison doors they get to enjoy mundane things like hair spray and perfume.
At times I have envied my well to do peers with their flashy phones and clothing. But that will surely come to an end, especially when I think about those girls. Girls who live in fear down in their rural villages, girls who might be better writers than me but never get the chance. Girls who have accelerated heart beats especially when they think of a man. Girls who don't even understand the meaning of the word career woman.
As I sit here and write, I thank God that I was born in Kenya. So here I am saying thank you God for all my blessings. Sorry for those vane moments I take them for granted. Never will I whine endlessly that my little red visitors always come with painful cramps. Or that they did so on short notice, say maybe the morning of my big interview. Oh no, that won't be me. I wanna turn a new leaf, a gratitude leaf.
I might not have many new year resolutions this year but for sure this will be top of the list.
Count your blessings, name them one by one.
Count your blessings... and it will surprise you what the Lord has done!🎶🎶

My Top 10 2014 Highlights

Whuu-Huuu! I have finally sat down to write this blog post! Lord for New Year's Eve I have surely been busy! Being a substitute house help ain't easy! Elizabeth I heart you, you have made life very easy. I thought being home on holiday was gonna lead to daily posts, but shock on me! Mum got me working on overdrive and by 10pm (EAT) when I am done cooking and eating supper I am so tired I can barely finish watching more than five minutes of a series.

Funny how last New Year's Eve I spent it with my darling boyfriend, painting the town pink, red was a little too out there. It was epic! First time I had broken the rules especially considering how tough my old man can be. However this new year's eve I am not so lucky and in as much as I was singing Beyonce's I'm a grown woman, here I am blogging away in my room, after trying to get permission to spend a night out from dad to no avail. Poor boyfriend, looks like we won't be kissing at midnight. The worst part is that 1st of January is our anniversary. So tonight it would have been happy new year and happy anniversary but oops that will have to be done via phone.

Oh well after slaving away tonight in the kitchen, I decided instead of sulking about my lack of guts to rebel, I might as well go back in time and share with you my 2014 highlights. It has been a phenomenal year and I am super grateful to God for seeing me through till this moment. Next year a time like this I really doubt I will be blogging on New Year's Eve! I might have moved out! Then there will be no holding me back for sure so enjoy it this year dear daddy, you won't be able to stop me. I will be like The Mask and his famous one liner "Somebody Stop Me!"

1. January Road Trip to Nanyuki
This was a treat from my babe! It was really fun and we got to bond and have fun. It just blows my mind how much he loves making me smile. We got to take wonderful pictures in Bantu Lodge , visit Ol Pejeta Sweet Waters Park for the first time got to see lions in the wild and swim at Sportman's Arms.

OMG! I had totally forgotten an extremely memorable encounter at Ol Pejeta! At around 6.30pm we were on our way out, and a guard had generously given us directions. My boyfriend being the mischievous one had gone left instead of right just for the sake of adventure at some point. While there, we both decided to donate some ammonia to the conservancy. Don't judge me I was jungle girl....when  in Rome... While at it , he kept advising don't put your back to the wild, but I did not heed his advise as I was too busy hiding from passerby s, I am after all a lady! "Baby! A lion!" He said. I didn't take him seriously and told him to stop joking, once you meet him you will understand where I was coming from. He said that twice pointing frantically so I turned my head. Boy oh Boy! It was real, my very bouncy ass was right in the lionesses face. Only adrenaline can explain how I managed to get back in the car! I was so scared! Later it all came back to me, when we parked I had noticed a water buck and remember wondering what it was up to. Turns out it was being hunted by mama lion and we were interrupting ! I was so glad to make it out alive and thus the reason I went H.A.M on my birthday! I had escaped having my ass chewed out literally! I promise I am not making this up.

2. My 22nd Birthday in February

This was particularly the best of the best, at the start it was preceded by peculiar behavior by my man. Ladies you know when a man changed his phone password something has to be up. I remember being so suspicious, on the d-day, I recall he almost stood me up for lunch and hell hath no furry like a woman stood up on her birthday! As if that was not enough, I was rained on with a laptop strapped on my way to meet him hours later than what we had agreed on. To add on to that he had made me take him to a bloody hair cut as if it was his day. Later in the night he took me out for the inaugural birthday shots only for us to end up at his local. Shock on me when I found my 20-something girlfriends shrieking and shouting happy birthday. He had actually pulled one over me and organized a surprise birthday bash! It actually made me cry!



3.  Greenhorn Dinner in April
This was a highlight by the mere fact that I was inaugurated into office as the Mentor Affairs Director for the Greenhorn Mentorship Program. It was a result of passing my first ever interview and getting something I had set my sights on with the first try was a giddy feeling! I have thoroughly enjoyed and bonded so much with the rest of the Executive team. We were able to accomplish so much independently and as a team.


4. Nanyuki Road Trip In June

Surely I should be recognized by the governor and be made local ambassador for tourism or something. This time around we went as three couples and truly had a blast. As usual Ol Pejeta was a must, the animals never get old. Along the way a fourth couple joined us and the merry making went on. How I love my boyfriend, always willing to up and go with me for fun's sake, believe it or not but I am most definitely not the spontaneous one in the relationship!
Everyone had their own reaction in the park!

5. Joining Inuka Leadership in July-August

This had come by so randomly, I just filled in a comments book at the ATB Career Fair, few months down the line, I received a call to attend an interview. It was to qualify me to join Inuka Leadership Training which I excelled in and went forth to graduate. It was a brilliant opportunity to sharpen my soft skills, make new friends, friends I have sustained to date and generally improve myself.




6. Family trip to Nanyuki Round 3 in September
Well, well, well they say third time's a charm but my oh my I was back to this dear place. This time around my aunt was visiting from the UK and I decided to take her on a little trip. We got to sample the nice places I know oh too well and as usual took pictures!






My aunt didn't get to see the lions unfortunately but the elephants at least were able to make up for this and represent the Big 5!

7. Kimende camping trip in September

This was a two day camping trip at Kimende that saw a bunch of cool kids from the class of 2015 UoN go camping. When I say cool kids best believe it is true and better yet I was there full force. It was an interesting two days although some wild plants left 90% of us with strange pimples and dark spots as a constant reminder lol. It was super fun though and worth the while!



8. League of Young Professionals Dinner in November
This was well narrated in my blog post on daring to be different which saw me debut my own picture on a post for the first time since 2012! I really had a blast and it was a remarkable reminder of far I had come as an individual.

9. December family Christmas trip
This was more of a road trip round Rift Valley with my immediate family. It was a nice time to just bond with them after a year of paper chasing, not the currency but degree and cpa papers. I got to take lovely shots so let me just have them do the talking.

10. Making 2015 relationship resolutions with my sweetheart
Last but not least as they say, the man who has stood by me and loved me more than I thought was humanly possible. We have fought and made up, I have stood by him and watched him grow. We finally made something written to project where we want this relationship to go and it was simply wonderful seeing how much we both want to make each other happy. Cheers to you baby and happy anniversary !








Thank you for faithfully standing with my blog, your encouraging comments and being with me all the way. Cheers to 2015! Make things happen!! I leave you with this picture of breath taking Sydney, one day it shall be me standing with a view ! Amen!

The Pout Redefined

Pouting is becoming all the rage for social media pics. I am 

guilty of it and I know 90% of those reading this are too. Girls especially, no Instagram pic is complete without one. Instagram speaking of which is one of the social media platforms with an upsurge of users. Top reason being how it shamelessly endorses vanity! Who knew vanity and not just sex sells.

Anyhow, pouting is not exactly the back bone of this blog post. Actually why I titled it pouting redefined is due to a dental problem I encountered from Saturday.  One of my front teeth was driving me insane. I know it doesn't count for much given I cry all the time but the ache was igniting the water works.  Tears were just flowing consistently.

On Sunday unlike Paramore' s song, things were not looking up I tell you. I kick started my morning by going to church. Other than the fact that I hadn't gone for quite a while with a shameless reason such as CPA and a little later on end of semester exams. I also wanted to beg for God' s healing power. I remember praying in earnest for it.

Sunday night was quite a hurdle, the pain being quite unbearable.  I recall trying to brush my teeth but tip-toeing around the two front teeth. At night talked to my boyfriend as usual. There is something about him that I find comforting.  The irony is as we were evaluating my options and the forthcoming answers from Google,`  I started crying again! Told him that he just has a way of making me vulnerable.

One thing we had established is that my filling from earlier in the year had fallen out! Damn you tooth filling! I just recall the first dental visit at Consolidated Bank House that had led to 4 anesthesia injections, 2 teeth being filled and 12, 500 Kenya shillings in damages. The service was impeccable at the time with the doctor being very understanding about my fear of dentists.

All that aside here we were, I couldn't believe I had to go back to the dentist.  The last time had resulted in trembling, sweating worse than I imagined, by the time. I was waking up from the dental chair, I was drenched and for the first few minutes I was flushed thinking I had peed on myself! A grown woman in her twenties, the horror but thank God it was just sweat! 

All the same, Monday morning I had made up my mind, I was going to try another dentist, my aunt' s recommendation actually. I thought it was going to be a routine filling but shock on me. I arrived at the clinic, giving myself a pep talk with every step. The biggest consolation being that it was going to be a lady dentist! I just have to admit that I find lady dentists comforting. It's bad enough I fear dentists with all my heart but at least a lady dentist I find nurturing and easier to talk to.

I got into her office, I will admit it was less posh than Consolidated Bank House but the testimonial from Aunt Sarah was encouraging.  I kept wondering whether I should have accepted my boyfriend' s offer( God bless his soul) to escort me. All the same lady dentist was very pleasant after a brief chat I was at ease. Please don't roll your eyes at me but I got all teary when I explained my fear of injections.  After describing the pain, we established that a root canal was inevitable! 

After a deep sigh, I resigned to my fate. She got to me to sit at her dental chair and after counting 1 to 3 , I let her give me the shot. I felt a pinch of pain but after a while true to her word, all was well. She did her thing with the drill and I remained calm despite my uncontrolled leg shaking. 

So it was done, not sure after how long but it was done. I felt the pain go away though I still think there is some little of it left. I paid half and will be going back on 5th January 2015 for part two. Well you bet one of the new year resolutions will be to brush at night especially.  Those no good bacteria will not be getting the best of me ever again. 

I found myself pouting non stop before the procedure. Somehow it made the pain more bearable then it hit me. Pouting originally is a sign of discomfort at times a signal a tantrum is on the way. So the next time you are about to pose for that selfie, you better thank God you don't have to get a root canal!

Crazy Silly Me

Crazy silly me

Here I am wistfully thinking
How didn't I see it coming
That you'd be my undoing
Tiny pieces of me breaking
Crazy silly me

It started with some craving
Then a little staggering, dizzying
My heart beat crazily thumping
Ignorantly in bliss not noticing
Until Aunt Jane went missing
Crazy silly me

Oh my God! Oh my God!  me panicking
The test to take, on the stick peeing
Then it all came back to me flooding
Memories of the mindless romancing
Anxious up and down I was pacing
Crazy silly me

All with an end has its beginning
The results no more to me redeeming
Inside me was a permanent marking
To you I had to tell quickly panting
Confused, in denial I came running
Crazy silly me

Aha so it was the day of reckoning
Warmly you received me so welcoming
One, two, three I started counting
Babe I said, we are expecting
The look on your face so discouraging
Crazy silly me

One hard look and I was shaking
Where was my dear prince charming
You said I must have surely been joking
It's the 20th century! Stop kidding
It wasn't my day you I wasn't trapping
Crazy silly me

What happened to forever loving
You and me all that promising
It's the 20th century, you I'd be suing
How could you leave me gasping
Shivering from the denial unending
Crazy silly me

So here I am all alone thinking
He who I loved to me so betraying
How could this be happening
But pieces of me together pulling
For two now I will be living
Crazy silly me.

Women Empowerment in Kenya! Think again!

I recall growing up my uncle used to send Christmas cards from the U.K and say "life isn't a bed of roses ". I guess it was to let us back home that he was doing ok but even in th

e proverbial land of milk and honey, life had it's ups and downs.

I now have come to fully understand this saying when I think about women in Kenya myself included.  One would think with affirmative action both in jobs and politics women were  getting fair play. This however isn't 100 percent true. I cannot fail to recognize how far we have come as women especially black women. We have come far from injustices such as slavery with our own Lupita Nyong'o getting an Oscar for depicting how heart wrenching it was.

Just the other day at the LYP dinner we had 2 very eloquent and established women speak as key note speakers and only 1 gentleman. Back in the day, the woman's place was in the kitchen. It' s about time anyway when we think about it. Women are really amazing creatures however way we look at it.

I am of the strong opinion that Kenya still has a long way to go. 

Cases in point :

1. Stripping of women
These incidences that sparked the #mydressmychoice (which I fully supported in my online capacity) campaign truly saddened me. What was beyond comprehension was why we are even debating whether or not women should be stripped! I just had to watch those videos to truly feel the depth of the atrocities committed against these women. It's after I saw the brutality of them all cowardly crowding to attack the women that I sincerely lost faith in humanity for a while. Whatever the woman had done, short dress or not was stripping her the answer or a show of crude and thirsty behavior by idling men (the devil's workshop indeed).

2. Assaulting of a woman in the matatu
I just watched exactly 2 seconds of a video circulating in the internet about a lady being sexually molested in a matatu. It was clearly disturbing and I ask myself am I safe in my own motherland?I am overly suspicious of Kenyan men be it in the matatu or on the streets worst of all at the bus stops. C'mon let's face it, can you blame me when even married men are in the front line of perverted men!

 

3. Assault and murder of a female student in Lower Kabete.
This one was super close to home as I am a student at UoN Lower Kabete.  She was apparently cohabiting with a white man who had assaulted her once before but she eventually ended up dying. Now before we are quick to judge why she stayed on after the first assault,  why she was cohabiting with the white and honestly unattractive man in the first place, ask did she honestly deserve to die?

It truly saddens how wary I have to be these days.

We all know the   "naomba serikali" phrase won't get us anywhere as women so we have to take all possible measures to protect ourselves and most of all pray very hard for the Almighty's protection.

I am sincerely contemplating buying a can of pepper spray and don't dare judge me but with Ole Lenku and Kimaiyo at the top of the policing/ security matters I just don't feel all that safe!

Daring To Be Different

I have been itching, dying for something to post for a while now but I just got some new experience over the weekend and I am eager to share. It so happens that I was invited to a League of Young Professionals dinner on the 15th of November at the Hilton Hotel. Funny enough I had not heard about them before but I came to learn that is a forum for young professionals to share and network.

When I got the invite, I was truly elated because just between me and you the ticket  fees of Sh 3500 is a little steep for a student. Anyhow, being a girl my first worry was what am I going to wear being that the dress code was red carpet. I agonized about it for a while but lo! and behold things came together. I have my people to thank for that, they helped with a few pointers on what to wear. Below are a few pics, forgive the setting and all, I literally had to ask one of the staff at the Hilton to take  the pics plus my phone was low on charge.

 Well I know one day I will make it big and paparazzi will be lining up just to get a shot of me but for now, let my 8 MP camera do it for me.

So anyway, where was I? Oh the dinner, so I arrived at the Hilton and was in the company of an acquaintance. While there  I got to meet some new people and reconnect with some old friends. I would be lying if I said I was a networking ninja but baby steps right?

I happened to be seated at the same table as one of my role models Caroline Mutoko. I was a little star struck. Kept stealing glances at what she had worn, how she was reacting to other speakers. I was in awe I must admit. Back to the program, the night started off with a key note speech by Dr. Laila Macharia , an amazing woman, who talked about Africa as a continent, its future, anticipated changes and challenges and what part we have to play as young people. I always hear people call each other  "learned friend" heck even I did that recently during a class debate but trust me she is learned. I just kept admiring her eloquence and she just oozed wisdom and insight.

Next up was Caroline Mutoko who spoke about different by distinction. Her speech really got to me, she kept saying better is ok but it doesn't cut it. Different is the key to success. Being different by being yourself as we are all unique and all have something to bring to the table. She condemned mediocrity and settling saying if you are not yourself you are robbing others of experiencing the real you. This does not add any value to you or anyone around you.

This really hit home for me because as a person, I have always wanted to be perfect. The perfect girl, perfect role model, perfect big sister, perfect daughter, perfect student and the list goes on and on.I have realized the best way to be happy and to be perfect is to just be the best I can be. In my search for perfection, I have hidden all I considered imperfect from the world. I have suppressed my voice just to avoid rocking the boat. But guess what, only the Crazy Ones actually make an impact on the world.

As for being a blogger, I have been a little mediocre, I have always written from a less personal stand point, I guess not really wanting people to know everything. For Pete's sake this is the first time I have posted my own picture on My OWN blog! I promise to change all that, although this doesn't mean as a reader you will get an all access pass, hehe we all need our private moments right? I will however make it more personal.

Back to the dinner, Heshan De Silva crowned the night by giving his life story and moving beliefs and personal philosophies. Gotta admit I am impressed by how much he values his faith. Note to self-revive my spirituality.  Anyway, my take home from his speech was how he did not instantly gratify himself even after making it big. He waited! I was challenged to practice delayed gratification which well is not my best subject. I have a real problem with saving especially but so help me I am a changed girl.

I have been trying to put myself out there and well I got the chance on this night. They called for the most confident ladies to strut it and they would choose three best dressed ladies. I mumbled a prayer and walked to the front in my four inch heels which I am just getting the hang of. I was trembling but put on a brave face. The judges deliberated, and at some point I saw them looking in my direction. My heart was pounding !  I was going to be chosen! So I waited to hear my name but sadly they picked the girl standing next to me. :-( Why ? Why? Why? Anyway I clapped for her so maybe next time, that was not my happy ending to the night. All in all I am proud of me that I actually believed in me and walked on loud and proud!

I ended the night with some more shots I will proudly share.... oh and I had forgotten to mention that the MC for the night was DR Ofweneke the comdeian, quite a funny man ! I had an amazing night all the same.

P.S. I don't handle rejection all that well so I might have made a stop in my dinner dress at Brew Bistro for a quick one ! OMG! and I encountered a full on gay guy and had to admit to myself I am not as open minded as I thought! The fact that he made a pass at my boyfriend did not help the situation .

Gotta go! This post is too long anyway!

My Two Cents on False Prophet Kanyari

Kanyari, Kanyari, Kanyari..... where do I even begin! This man who insists on being called Dr Prophet Kanyari is in the worst case sociopath category in Kenya. Now if you still don't know why we are all up in arms especially Christians you need to watch Jicho Pevu/ Inside story (Prayer Predators) on false prophets.

In a nutshell the so called " only prophet in town" and the son to a convicted fraudster(Lucy Nduta) charged with extortion of HIV positive victims, has been preying on innocent but ignorant poor faithfuls. He is well know for his TV and radio broadcasts with the famous slogan "panda mbegu" (plant a seed message).

I thought long and hard before writing this blog post. First on my mind as a Christian the good book tells us not to judge others as only God can and remove the speck in our own eye first. Secondly, I wouldn't want to increase publicity towards Kanyari.  After all they say any publicity is good publicity. If the court drama that ensued when his mother (Lucy Nduta) was taken into custody is anything to go by the accusations could increase sycophantism among his followers. 

What I mean by this is that, Kanyari given his track record is one to liken his exposure to Christ being persecuted.  He will most probably come out saying phrases in the bible such as "no prophet is accepted in his hometown". 

Anyway as you can tell, I have put my reservations aside to give my two cents on the whole matter. It is not that I am all too eager to condemn  Kanyari but I believe it is my moral duty to speak out. I definitely want to congratulate Mohammed Ali and John Allan Namu for bringing to the light the extent of moral decadence in some  religious institutions.

On the list of Kanyari' s crimes include:

• falsely prophecy: claiming to know about people's personal affairs
• claiming to heal HIV/AIDS through prayer
• extortion of money in order to receive prayer e.g . Panda mbegu ya 310 shillings
• falsified testimonies by coached parishioners
• tax evasion (come on Kenya Revenue Authority what are you waiting for! ?)

And many more (make sure you watch the clip)

One would think that a man capable of such sick schemes would be remorseful but oh no not Kanyari.  In fact during the interviews he maintained a straight face, occasional arrogant laugh and holier-than- thou attitude. 

What really struck a cord in my heart was when he used potassium permanganate to trick people into believing they had been cured of HIV/AIDS. There was one particular lady who seemed so moved, so happy and actually cried. What the expression on her face seemed to say was "my suffering has come to an end." Seeing how naive and gullible she had been actually moved me to tears.  I got so appalled that Kanyari would go on to ask for money. Hiding behind Malachi 3:10. 

The so called prophet and doctor who is actually a high school drop out has hood winked so many people it is just sad. At first, I thought politicians were the worst at misleading people but Kanyari is just the worst of them all. At least of the ones we know.

Another thing I found sincerely disturbing was how he fondled a woman's breast in the name of checking for ailment.  He further made her face the crowd while still exposing her bare breast. I am sure that Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (the celebrated feminist and accomplished author) would be appalled beyond words. I daresay disgusted after all the bold speeches, including a Ted Talk with over 1.4 million views on YouTube about treating women with respect.

This so called prophet Kanyari should know that what is done in the dark shall soon come to light. Even as I write this I have my own skeletons in my closet, personal failures and misgivings that I am not proud of but when one decides to prey on others with their shrewd schemes, that is surely unacceptable.

Salvation Healing Ministry needs saving and so do all those people who do Kanyari's bidding. What was worth noting was how fierce the women in particular seem to guard this man and are so eager to please him. Knowing how harsh society is on women and how far we have come in finding our rightful place in society, it is just sad to see how they follow Kanyari blindly. They give blindly from the little they have yet Kanyari drives a Land Cruiser PRADO and A Range Rover Sport.

Speaking of women poor Betty Bayo, in as much as she has separated herself from the whole saga, she is still blemished especially being a woman. Her credibility has gone down the drain and I just feel sorry for her and all her gospel music ambitions with a rumored album release in the pipe line.

Kanyari has really done much harm to our already unattractive stereotypes as Kikuyu being money lovers. As if we didn't have enough examples now we can add Kanyari and his ignorance, claiming power of witchcraft to cause HIV/AIDS.

I can say so much about the Kanyari's of this world but let me just conclude by saying as Christians we need to be more vigil about the people of the cloth. Ask the Holy Spirit for guidance and please please don't think that any man walking on the earth's surface can be free of blemish such that you follow him blindly.

I end with a  Meme from social media humorous as it might be: the diabolism of "prophet Kanyari".